it was nice talking to you today
brought back memories of the happy times in our relationship
for the first time, you actually understood
you accepted and empathized with my feelings
and didn't turn all apathetic and selfish on me
you felt bad. you felt sorry. you actually cared
you apologized and acknowledged everything going on
it finally felt like i was talking to the real you
the fully awake and attentive you
fuck i miss you
i miss us
the real us, without the bullshit
penguin dancing
play fighting
you accidentally knocking down school fences
i miss the feeling i had back then so fucking much
i miss how pure, innocent, and new everything was
the ridiculously happy feeling i had everytime i stepped foot on your doorway
the ginormous smile you had coming down the stairs to see me
how appreciative and excited you got every time i'd invite you to something as simple as a movie
and how you'd offer to bring me drinks
i miss how adorable every little thing you did was
i miss you looking up to me from afar in the hot tub, swimming towards me,
with those pretty loving eyes and cute smile saying
"i have a crush on you. i know we're already together,
but just looking at you's making me think aww and giving me butterflies"
i miss how much i wanted to kiss you that night
i miss feeling all nervous, anxious, and scared everytime i'd try to dial your number
and how everytime i convinced myself "ok dial.. NOW!"
my phone would ring, and you'd beat me to the call
i miss how shocked we'd be when we'd call at the same time
i miss dancing along to pop goes 80s, dredg, and damien rice
sitting on your roof, beer in hand, talking about life, everything, and nothing at all
the lotion you used to be discreetly sexual in the car, and how it ended up being glitter
the in and out sexual innuendos we'd make everyone else was completely oblivious to
i miss your joke of an areobed
and how you'd accidentally fall on top of me
i miss you waking up in the middle of the night, yawning and saying "aww, i had the cutest dream ever"
with your eyes squinted shut, barely still awake. "really? what was it?"
you'd yawn and say "it was of you.. and me.. both of us at this.. hold on, it's coming back.. *snore*"
and watching you fall right back asleep
i miss how you didn't remember any of it the next morning
and how bummed out i was that i never did find out what the dream was about
i miss how even when i'd have the most shitty, depressing dream, as soon as i'd wake up,
it'd be all ok after realizing i was laying next to you
i miss how i'd miss you like crazy on the way home everytime i'd leave your house
coming back home, laying in bed, and just staring up at the ceiling
completely content, peaceful and relaxed with a smile far too comfortable to go away
i miss how i saw this aura around you that felt like i was opening my eyes for the first time
as if i'd been blind all my life until suddenly you stepped in the room
leaving nothing but a spotlight on you
i miss how everytime i thought i'd come up with the most brilliant description of it
it just ended up sounding cheesy as fuck
i miss how to this day, i still can't quite find a way to describe it
i miss feeling like i ran into my best friend from a past life
who suddenly out of no where appeared and just.. clicked with me
i miss having a laundry list of things i'd want to do with you
places i'd want to go with you, things i'd want to share with you
how excited i was you were in my life, so i could make you a part of all of it
and knowing that anything with you made it a thousand times more fun
i miss how nothing else mattered when i was with you
as if it was just you and me against the world
walking hand in hand, with nothing stopping us, and an actual purpose in life
a more real, full of depth, meaningful life i was sharing with someone else
one i never knew existed, one i'd been blind to all these years
i miss how i'd feel i was in a time warp with you
getting sucked so into the moment and living it up so purely
that i'd suddenly "wake up" back into reality
and question "woah, have i been dreaming all this time?"
wondering how long the feeling would last, when i'd wake up
and hoping to god it would last forever
the feeling of my life finally going on the right track
like literally, walking down a line of train tracks,
seeing one with my name written all over it going my path and destination
and riding that shit as far as i possibly could
until suddenly veering off and finding myself in the middle of buttfuck no where again
i miss it all
i miss how it all just came together
i miss how unreal and too good to be true it all felt
i miss how finally everything in my life felt like it was falling into place
i don't think there's a feeling i've ever missed more